Loving Yourself

By Jill Heine

How many of us are on that fabled search looking for love outside ourselves? Here's the real question, Do we realize what real love is when it comes our way. I have had many opportunities recently to look at this. I had this expectation of what love was. I thought it meant that someone would be nice to me and tell me great things about myself. I have had that and I rejected it. Why? Because it was not based on truth. I realize that love is truth and I can have love to the extent that I can have truth. What I mean by this is to be able to hear the things about myself that are unpleasant to the personality but will act as a scouring agent to cleanse my soul.

In this day and age who is going to be bold enough to correct someone else at the expense of them getting angry or not liking them. This is the generation of "sensitive people" attempting to evolve through being kind and nice. As far as I am concerned all the problems I have got myself into have been as a result of been nice instead of being honest. If we do this long enough we forget the truth. This is what happened to me. Jesus was not nice to the people who were possessed. He used all his heart soul and strength to demand those spirits leave. He used His anger, and it was a potent healing force. It was an act of love. He was definitely in touch with His destructive male energy.

He was not afraid to "yell or be mean" for fear those people wouldn't like him. I have been fortunate enough to have this kind of "tough love" directed at me. It hurt and I resisted it like hell.

It was not until later that I saw this was love and I was thankful beyond belief that someone had the courage to stand up to these energies. For one thing this kind of behavior was backing me in to the center of my head where I could see my answers. It was shocking me into common sense where change could take place. This is a kind of love which the females in my family did not get. They were madder than hell because they were trapped in their emotions, going farther and farther out, with no way to reel themselves back home. This is the environment I was raised in. It was called female insanity and is passed down from generation to generation. It makes it hard for a man to talk sense to the female. She needs a paternal love but runs from the very people who can give it to her. Males have this in their way also. When they need correction they go to a woman and hide if they can't handle truth. She cannot "truth" him. The only thing she can do is not mother him and drive him back to himself and his own gender where he can solve his problem. Truth is desperately needed if we want our relationships to work. I have had enough failed ones to know how it can't work. Truth is spread through interactions with others like a torch which is passed so the light never goes out. I am very grateful to those light bearers who were not afraid to be mean and stand up in the moment for what was important. This is love, I don't know what that other stuff is.