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When I was a girl, I believed that I would marry someone who would love me like I loved them. Deeply, intensely and faithfully. Little did I know that what happened to me as a child was buried inside of me, hidden, tucked away in the dark. It was definitely something I did not want to ever look at. The anger and pain of feeling violated surfaced now and then but I never gave it much attention. Then when I met the person I would later marry the past was submerged for me, so I thought. |
As I look back on the life I've lived so far I can see that everyone around me saw the pain and opinion I had about myself, I looked pretty on the outside, but inside my reflected image felt ugly. Others saw the energy of a lower self image. Especially men, they could spot it in a glance when a woman has been beat up on some level mentally, physically or emotionally, or all three. The question they ask themselves, do I want to take over where the other guy left off or do I really love this woman and want to give to her like God intended.
Unfortunately most women do not meet someone who is willing to give to her and not take advantage of her nature to nurture and heal and by doing this she would heal herself in the process.
What's so strange is I thought being mistreated was love. That I did not deserve to receive. Always putting myself last and not being able to ask for anything. From something as small as asking what I wanted at a restaurant, to buying new clothes or getting a massage or just plain speaking up for myself.
Now that I consciously have worked on myself I have the life I used to only dream of.
What images of yourself are you carrying around with you that you thought where buried and gone? You can be the captain of your own ship.
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