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The Teachings of Jesus

By Rt. Rev. Debi Livingston, Bishop

" . . .lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the age."
--The Gospel of Matthew 28:20

What an incredible month this has been. Without consciously choosing to do so, I have faced some of my worse fears and life anxieties. Issues that I, on my own, would either have "gotten around to some day" or more likely, kept tucked away, neatly and unassuming, in the farthest closets of my mind. Out of sight....not so out of mind but far enough from view that maybe I wouldn't have to deal with them. Seems God had other plans.

I believe I have lived most of my life as a coward. I have allowed myself to live life on the lukewarm burner of conviction, taking the chance to be big and brave when there was not too much at stake to lose. I have short changed myself by cashing in on inherited pictures and beliefs that did nothing but weigh me down, creating a pattern of thinking that kept me locked down, even though I knew better.

Be free? Drop the past and get on with my new life in Christ? What? God is the only one living life through me, as me? Wow, sounds great. Sure, count me in, but give me a few decades before I actually participate. You see, there's a subconscious river of thought in here that demands I keep myself in the subservient position of debasing myself and allowing myself to be dumped on by most anyone who has the whim to do so.

Consciously, I cannot remember a time when I wasn't either being blamed, or blaming myself for events gone wrong. Apologizing and making sure everyone was okay with me became my constant modus operandi. I had stomach ulcers at the age of five. I was physically constipated; hospitalized for it once. For twenty-five years of my life I suffered these type of problems.

And up until just recently, I have not been able to completely let myself go and accept my higher self image. Unconsciously, I was still on the punishment program for choices I had made, games I had played and mistakes that had happened.

In trance, I saw where this belief structure originated. I also experienced that all the trials and tribulations I find myself going through...I am not going through at all. Only Christ is going through them. I am not alone and I never have been alone. All my mistakes and games? Forgiven...because He never condemned me for them to begin with. My so called fears? Not as big and scary as they seemed to be when I thought they had power over me. Trance was the only way I could see this. To alter consciousness and see it from the Supreme Being's point of view. And it really is exactly like William Duby, has been saying... I owe nothing to anyone, for any reason because they didn't create me.

It is a comforting thought. And now at night, when the day is done, and I reflect on all its events, and with whatever surprises tomorrow may hold, I do rest assured in the knowledge that He is with us....even unto the end of this world. Not just because they are words, but because in trance I saw and I experienced it. You can do the same. What are you waiting for?