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Since having a child two years ago my life has changed tremendously. I still have my dreams and goals, and one of my biggest challenges during this period has been how to balance out my own personal needs with the needs of my child.

Before I had a child, I was free to come and go as I pleased. I had no idea of the power of the maternal urge, or the power of the programming that has had women give up their power for thousands of years. I was young, educated and living in one of the most liberal areas in the world where outward opportunities for women abound.

Intellectually, it all sounded great. But inwardly, we are all the same. The same programmed responses run through all of us, like a giant river of life. And the same Spirit of God runs through all of us as well, giving us power and seniority to act upon our information as a spirit, instead of acting blindly because we are caught in the strong currents of nature.

I felt like I was really thrown for a loop after having a baby because it seemed so difficult just to be able to do what I needed for myself. I saw a lot of this was a programmed belief that my needs came last because I am a mother. Just holding that belief had me unconsciously setting up situations where I was always getting the short end of the stick. I didn't even have the idea for about a year that I could have my life set up in such a way to have space for myself.

After feeling frustrated and alone for a long time, I realized that the way to make the changes I was looking for was to start seeing myself doing the things that made me happy. Before, I was seeing all the reasons why it would be so hard - Who would take care of the baby? Would she be happy?, etc. But by making the decision that I needed to do certain things to make me happy, all the outward needs somehow get juggled and resolved. I prospered and so did my child.

When I am happier and calmer, so is my child. Instead of spending time around an anxious, depressed or unfulfilled person, she gets to spend time around someone who is happy with herself. I appreciate my mothering time with her even more because my own needs are met.

As she is growing, new challenges appear. My life is constantly rearranging around what our current needs are. When I get caught up in guilt that I am not being a good mother, it is really the programmed responses that would have me do things differently - perfectly. I guess that's one of the biggest lessons I am learning in parenthood - there is no perfection, there is no time for it. Statues in the park can be perfect, they have all the opportunity in the world to be. But parents and children are not perfect, except in the love that holds them both together through the changing tides of life.