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Being a Sensitive in the WorkplaceBy Kathy Bibeau
The other
day at work I cried. I was overwhelmed and stressed out and I just started
to cry. Has this ever happened to you? If you are a sensitive like I
am then most likely you can relate to my experience. Do you often find
yourself overwhelmed at work? Do you get overly emotional? Do you have
a hard time leaving work behind when you walk out the door at the end
of the day? Do you think everything that goes wrong at work is your
fault? Do you feel that you arenít smart enough or valuable in
the workplace? Do others keep asking you to do more and more, even though
it isnít part of your job description, but you just donít
know how to say no? These are all signs that you are a sensitive. And
as a sensitive you need to take care so that your work life is more
pleasant for you. I work
as an office manager for a small contracting business. My boss, the
owner of the company, is a very busy man. He has more things on his
plate than he can handle. As a consequence, he is rather high strung.
As an office manager it is my responsibility to keep things running
smoothly in the office. However, as a sensitive, what I actually ended
up doing was to take on all the anxiety and problems that my boss was
experiencing. As a consequence, it was difficult for me to fulfill the
most basic tasks related to managing the office. I was taking more time
processes his anxiety and trying to solve his problems then simply focusing
on the tasks at hand. Some of
the by products of being a sensitive in the work place that I experienced
were that I often felt unsatisfied with the work that I did. Many days
I would leave work feeling overwhelmed and frazzled. I would have a
very hard time making separations from the work-day and would find myself
still trying to solve problems long after my day had officially ended.
I am sure that many of you have had, or are having, this same experience.
As a sensitive
Iím always trying to heal others. In my own case, over time this
resulted in the line that defined my job title getting blurred. My boss
started asking me to handle personal tasks for him. Heíd ask
me to do things that werenít related to the job Iíd been
hired for. I would do these things because I hoped it would ease the
anxiety that he seemed to be experiencing, rationalizing in my mind
that this would then make it easier for me to do ìmy jobî.
Instead it got harder and harder to know what to expect out of work
each day and I lost my focus. I wanted to say no to certain things but
thought that I would be fired if I did. I was trying to hold it all
together for my boss while in the process I was falling apart. I am
not referring to being unwilling to learning new things, which people
should be open to in the work place, but rather to being constantly
asked to attend to tasks that are unrelated to running a business. If
you are hired to be a personal assistant that is another matter. But
for most of us, we have a fairly clearly defined job role, and if we
are asked to do a number of unrelated things our responsibility to our
original task is hindered, and we are likely to get overwhelmed. Does any
of this sound familiar to you? Your situation may be slightly different
from mine, however the logistics are the same. If you are a sensitive
it means you have a difficult time maintaining boundaries between you
and other people. In the workplace this translates into having a hard
time distinguishing between what are your problems to solve and what
belong to other people. You are likely to believe that everything is
your fault, and have a difficult time distinguishing between your own
ideas and those of another. It also means you are a healer, wanting
other peopleís lives to get better, often even if this means
you make a sacrifice of yourself. Maybe your work late, or you run those
extra errands, or you just lend your ear to a co-worker who is having
personal problems. In and of itself none of these things are wrong,
but if you are constantly doing this even though you donít want
to then there is a good chance you have lost your boundaries. Sensitive
people have a hard time saying no, and if they do say no they feel guilty.
Saying no, when someone in your workplace has overstepped his or her
boundaries, is a powerful tool to regain your sense of purpose in the
workplace. In my
experience at first I thought that if I found another job things would
get better. But I realized that if I didnít address the issues
that had me get in this situation in the first place then nine chances
our of ten I would end up in the same boat in another job. This is not
to say that you canít change jobs. It simply means that if you
donít learn how to maintain your sense of yourself in the workplace
then changing environments will not help. What I started doing was to
practice saying no. If I believed that something I was asked to do was
not appropriate for me I would say no. And guess what, the world did
not come to an end, and I was not fired. Instead I noticed that my boss
started to respect my boundaries a little more. I had more space to
attend to the projects that I had been hired to do, and they were accomplished
with more ease and in a more professional manner. I started to feel
better about myself as a consequence and I didnít worry so much
when I left the office for the day. Another
thing you can do as a sensitive in the workplace is learn to make separation
from work when you leave at the end of the day. Sensitive people tend
to have a lot of perfect pictures, which means that they want to get
everything right and they are bothered greatly if things are not right.
As a consequence, they often carry work issues around with them, hashing
them over and over again, even when their work day is through. Iím
not saying that you shouldnít strive to do your best, or that
you should never take work home with you, for sometimes it is warranted,
but when you are always feeling like you need to do more, or that everything
is your personal responsibility, something is wrong. This makes it difficult
to enjoy your time off from work and can pile up in your space and cause
other problems. One of
my biggest learning lessons was to let go of carrying a lot of perfect
pictures around work. Things will go wrong, this is a fact of life,
but how you handle it when things go wrong will mean a lot for your
sanity. I used to beat myself up endlessly if something went wrong at
work. I would also take responsibility for things that went wrong that
werenít even my fault. This didnít do me or anyone around
me any good. It only made matters worst because it created an atmosphere
of anxiety or overburdened me with problems that were outside of my
control or expertise. As I learned to roll with the punches and to recognize
that something mistakes happens I became more relaxed, and as a consequence,
I was better able to deal with the situations that did arise. Being a sensitive in the workplace can be a challenge but if you learn to establish boundaries, practice saying no, make separations when needed, and let go of perfect pictures you will have a better experience and this will benefit your workplace as well. You are more valuable to your employer when you learn to take care of yourself, than you are when you are always trying to heal everyone else to the detriment of your own well being. In the short run it may look like you are doing a good deed, but in the long run no one is truly benefiting from it. Having a good sense of your own space at work will be more beneficial to everyone involved and will give you the peace of mind you need. |
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