Be Not Afraid
One Woman's Battle
With Anxiety & Depression
Pauline Davis
I have fallen prey to anxiety. "Fallen" is a good word, because anxiety
or depression should be recognized as an enemy and dealt with accordingly. It must
be taken and shaken (as a terrier shakes a rat) until its neck is broken.
 I wish that when I was heading for my "breakdown," someone
had come to me, some happy, at-peace person, and said to me, "I have felt something
very like what you are feeling now. I have crumbled beneath the weight of it, the
confusion and the fear. I've been there in the black hole, but I found there is a
way out. If someone had said that to me, perhaps I would still have slipped into
the depth, and perhaps it would have taken me just as long to surface. But I know
one thing for sure. I would have remembered that person and those words, and perhaps
I would have been less afraid.
People tell you, "You must help yourself," when "yourself"
is the last person you would trust. To help yourself you must draw on that inner
strength by thinking of it as drawing from God Himself. Concentrate and feel it flowing
into your soul. I am not telling you I believe there is a God, I know there is a
God. At my lowest ebb of life, I felt His presence. Sadly enough, our lowest ebb
of life is usually the only time we seek Him.
You must nurture your body. Self-destruction can be a slow, painful process if
that is what you've decided on. You can smoke, drink or starve yourself to death.
Or you can build up your body for the battle as if your life depended on it - because
it does. Exercise. Walk, run, help the body, and the body will help the mind. Laugh.
Cultivate a sense of humor. Learn to laugh again, especially at yourself.
Avoid the drugs. "They" are going to deal out anti-depressants and such like candy.
And of course sleeping pills. These are not the weapons to help you. They only make
it possible for you to delay facing what sooner or later you are going to have to
face - life. And then drugs can be yet another enemy you have to overcome.
Find something in life that absorbs you. Something that absorbs you so much you
no longer have time for anxiety or depression. And don't harbor resentment. If may
help you to better understand yourself to realize just how other people have affected
you, but use this knowledge in a positive way. Don't feed off resentment, or it will
poison you. Remember that "they" are just people who have done what their survival
instinct had told them. Don't look for perfection in people. Pick out the good points
and leave the rest.
You and life can be friends again. The love of life returned to me slowly, bit
by bit. I still remember the day I first experienced a feeling of well-being. I remember
exactly where I was and what I was doing. It was like being in pitch darkness and
seeing a glimpse of light. Then these "good" periods came more often and lasted longer,
until they completely replaced the pain.
I never thought I could survive but I did . Overall I'm a pretty happy person
and have been for ten years now. Not always ecstatically happy, but the horrible
pain is gone. The "monster" raises its head once in a while, but it has lost its
greatest advantage - my own fear.
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