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Relationships
In my marriage I have spent a lot of time trying to heal the relationship. I had
this picture that everything was supposed to be agreeable between us. I believed
that the man I married was supposed to be for me one hundred percent and that I should
be able to trust him completely. I see women get stuck in this pattern all the time. If the woman is sensitive and this is going on she eventually finds herself feeling insane because she knows that the inner and the outer are not matching up. It is difficult to live a lie without tearing yourself apart inside or destroying the man you are with. And men usually don't realize that their wife is a time bomb about to explode until it's too late. The main thing that I have learned from relationships is that I had to stop trying to hold a relationship together and start being the woman that I knew down inside I was meant to be. When you change yourself to meet someone else's picture of who they feel they need you to be, or you change a man to try to make him be who you think the perfect man is supposed to be, you only create a pathway of resentments. And when a relationship is based upon an exchange, such as I give you money and you give me sex, as a woman you only end up disliking yourself. And when you dislike yourself you can't possibly love the man you are with or mirror to him what a real relationship is about. After many painful experiences in this relationship cycle I finally realized that the only solution for me was to stick to my guns and live a life based upon principles that I knew I had to uphold or else I would go insane. I realized that as much as I'd try to talk my husband into seeing things my way, in truth all I could do was get up and do things my way and hope that he would see the benefits that this held for him. When I started doing this I started feeling better about myself again, clean inside where before I had felt dirty and resentful towards my husband. I found that it is the only way to get out of the cycle that sets us up to fall beneath a relationship.
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Given this set of pictures there
wasn't much room for arguments to be out in the open between us. Instead we acted
out in front of each other a script for a "marriage". As a consequence
I would find myself doing everything on the outside to keep up the appearances of
a marriage while inside I was resenting the relationship. I found myself doing things
for my husband out of a sense of obligation, as part of an exchange for the money
he was providing for the household, rather than out of a true love and concern for
him.
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