In Dreams of You

By Debi Livingston

Berkeley, CA
January 2002: A Dream

"Nothing's changed, Debi," said Rev. Bill, "everything is still the same." "But I can't see you", I replied, because I could only hear his voice. He answered, "Weren't there days when you'd be at the Academy and didn't see me, but still felt close and connected with me?" "Of course!" "Well", he continued, "that's why nothing has changed, the connection is still here."

"I'm scared", I told him. "Of what?" "Everything!" Rev. Bill then said, "The person who gave you the best advice was Hank (my Dad) when he always told you to just follow your heart. All I did was turn you over to Jesus Christ. So if you have the love for Jesus Christ in your heart, you'll always be okay."

Then I woke-up. I had a peaceful sensation of completion flowing through me and knew, in that moment, that everything I have learned from Rev. Bill was true.

Guilford, CT. March 1981: A Dream

A man wearing a cowboy hat was guiding people across a bridge to a beautiful new world we were starting. Everyone was singing and rejoicing, but I kept asking this man, "What state are we in, what country is this?" He replied, "Does the name matter? One day you'll quit being a world traveler and realize where your home is." With a huge, beautiful full moon behind him, he spoke with all of us for what seemed like hours. "How unique", I thought from within this dream, "a spiritual cowboy."

When I awoke it seemed I had total understanding of how the entire Universe was put together. I knew the purpose of my role. But this awareness soon faded as soon as I got out of bed.

About a year later I moved to Berkeley, CA. I was on a spiritual quest, looking for something, but I just didn't know what. One night a friend invited me to go to a beach with a group of people to meditate on the full moon. I was introduced to the person leading the meditation. He wore a cowboy hat. His name was Rev. Bill. Thus began a twenty year friendship that had actually started a year earlier and will continue forever.

Rev. Bill was my teacher, my Pastor, my friend. I came to SRF as a young, insecure, directionless individual trying desperately to find a niche in this dance called life. I was so afraid of being rejected and not being liked, that I was always matching people; taking on their energy, thoughts and ideas so I could be like them so they would accept me. This had been my mode of survival most of my life. Rev. Bill always told me, "You're being a world traveler, when are you going to come back to home port and be in your body?" This pattern continued for years. I would take on other people's energy and not be myself for days, sometimes weeks at a time. It would be Rev. Bill guiding me home, helping me release the energies that had caused me to lose my center. Once I'd clear consciousness he'd say, "Welcome back. Have you quit being a world traveler yet?"

In time, I did learn to stop moving into other people's worlds. I discovered the beauty of being at home in my body, enjoying myself just the way I am.

I could write pages on everything I've learned from this incredible man. How do you take twenty years and squeeze it into a newspaper article? So I've decided to share one of my last personal experiences with him instead, because it is one that has truly changed my life forever.

Recently, I have been going through personal trials and tribulations. I've been doing my best maintaining a positive attitude and keeping the faith that all will turn out right. One night Rev. Bill asked me if I'd like him to work with me. I went into my subconscious mind and cleared out the energies causing me to feel so depressed and invalidated. I honestly don't recall the words Rev. Bill spoke to me, but I was completely overcome with the most exhilarating feeling I have ever experienced. My body was bathed in warmth and light. Love was pouring through every cell of my body. I was laughing, crying, dripping in sweat. And, most amazing of all, I was filled with such forgiveness towards the person who was trying to hurt me. I knew I wasn't Debi. I knew I was being baptized by the Holy Spirit. I knew the Father, working through Rev. Bill, had brought me home.

Before I left that night Rev. Bill said to me, "I've taught you everything kid, you and I are complete now. I've turned you over to Jesus Christ. Now it's just you and Him." Little did I know how prophetic his words would be, because less than two weeks later he made his transition.

Thank you Rev. Bill, for everything. Because of you, I know what it is to love unconditionally. Because of you, I am restored in faith and connected with Jesus Christ. Because of you, I am learning what it means to walk the extra mile with individuals. And because of you, I pray I become a better minister and servant so I too, may ïpass it on' to others, as you so selflessly have passed it on to me!